Lonely River
by yin13147
Summary: AU. Ichigo is a student who takes care of Byakuya who is mentally and emotionally unstable. ByaIchi, rated M for heavy angst and blood
1. Do not Leave

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not my work. The one and only Tite Kubo is the one who made Bleach.  
**

**Warning: OOC Byakuya, but there is a reason why.  
**

* * *

_Is this real enough for you_  
_ You were so confused_  
_ Now that you've decided to stay_  
_ We'll remain together_

_ You can't abandon me_  
_ You belong to me_

_ Breathe in and take my life in you_  
_ No longer myself only you_  
_ There's no escaping me, my love_  
_ Surrender_

_~Surrender by Evanescence~_

Ichigo had been keeping something from his friends for a long time.

"Ichigo, can you go with us to the mall? Today's a Friday." He was invited to hang out once again. He's not a killjoy, but he immediately said no.

"Sorry. Someone has to watch the house, and my sisters will be a little late today. They're practicing for some school show or something." he replied indifferently.

"Suit yourself. Next time then." his friend frowned a little, but she understood what he said and left with the others.

He looked at the watch, and he quickly took a taxi on the way home even though it would cost him a lot. If he won't go home any earlier, he might worry the one waiting for him.

He unlocked the door and didn't even think about removing his shoes, and just hurried upstairs where he could hear moans of worry and distress. Ichigo entered the room beside him, and a raven-haired man moved on his bed, his gripping hands threatening to tear the cotton sheets should he grab them any longer.

"Byakuya..." He immediately knelt beside the bed, holding the pale hands for comfort.

"Don't worry. I'm here now. It's just a dream. Just a dream." he whispered, wiping the cold sweat off the burning forehead. "You're getting a fever." Gray eyes opened and just at the sight of coral hair, he threw his thin arms around the student.

"You're back..." he murmured in relief, his winter breath tickling the sensitive ear. "You're back... Thank God..." The orange head smiled sadly, hugging him back with one arm but his hold is not as tight as the older man.

"You don't need to worry anymore. I just got back from school." His hand rubbed the firm back to calm him down, and when he finally let go he kissed the orange head's forehead but his hands didn't let go and continued to cup his face, looking at him like an angel no one can take their eyes out of.

His eyes burned with sorrow and that emotion of missing someone for a long time, but Ichigo's been away for only ten hours so that he could attend school, but he is all Byakuya has.

Since before, he knew the man because he was friends with Rukia, who is the man's younger sister. Both he and the girl were the best of friends, and he was also good friends with her brother but when he was twelve, the Kuchiki family perished in a house fire caused by unknown reasons and Byakuya was the only survivor. The loss made him broken. And if Ichigo never appeared in his life, he would have been completely broken by now, reduced to an empty shell of himself. But the boy is the reason why there's a small piece of sanity left in him, that kept him moving and speaking but it didn't mean that the tragedy didn't affect him.

His close relationship with the teen was the reason why his family decided to take Byakuya in.

Whenever Ichigo would be gone, he would try to sleep and dwell into a deep dream until the teen would come back, and he would act like he would back in the old times but a little more silent.

Later on, he worsened a little for he started to act like he's in deep pain whenever he would be out and far from him, almost like he reached the point wherein he can't bear even a little time away from the teen. This was troublesome for him and his family, but nobody blamed him as they understood.

He has never been close with anyone else but Ichigo, and though he may act calm with his sisters and his father, the boy is the only person that kept him alive.

Ichigo moved the hand away and stood up, getting a bowl of water and a towel to calm the fever. The raven head settled back down his bed and let him take care of the rest, appreciating every soft touch the boy would leave on his skin.

"I'll go cook dinner. Yuzu and Karin should be home by now. About Dad, it depends on his work."

Byakuya nodded, his body easing a little as the latter left to make dinner. He looked at his hands and moved them one by one, and he noticed that they felt more numb than yesterday. It's like his body seemed to be getting worse, but maybe it's because he just doesn't move around that much.

* * *

"Okay. Now that vacation is nearing and you all did a good job, like in your previous years in high school we will be going on a class trip for three days and two nights. It will start in a week from now."

Ichigo gulped at the term 'class trip', and the fact that it would take three days. He would leave Byakuya alone for that long and the thought of how would he act in the house while he's gone made him gulp again, trying not to let out his worry.

The bell rang, the others walked home, and once again he got invited to hang out with them and of course, he said no.

His fingers rubbed his forehead in deep thought while walking home, and when he clumsily bumped into a pole, he rubbed the sore part that would become a bad bump later on, he got the idea.

He never wanted to use it towards Byakuya no matter how crazy he would act, but he had to have him...

"Sedated?" Isshin asked. Even though the man would thrash the room and ruin it, they only used words and a few stress-relieving pills to get him to settle down and not act too rash for a while until Ichigo would leave again. Why would his son make such a decision right now? It seemed ironic because a year ago, when Ichigo hang out with his friends in the mall which lasted until the late evening and Byakuya already ransacked the room by the time he returned. That compelled the teen to not hang out with his friends outside school again.

"That's the best option." None of his class trips would be that long, and it would only take until late afternoon but since it's his final year in high school, anyone would understand why it's longer than usual. "Very well."

"I could choose not to go, but I can't keep on sacrificing time to spend with my friends because of him, despite his situation. I still have my life, and it's not always for him."

Even though they talked quietly and in the dining area which is far from the bedrooms, they didn't know Byakuya walked downstairs to call for Ichigo. He hid behind one side of the wall, and listened to their every word.

The words that Ichigo said hurt him, but his eyes grew dark and he fisted at his pale gray shirt while walking upstairs as slow as a turtle as to not make a sound.

He's not mad at anyone, but he's not willing to let the teenager be away for that long.

* * *

Thanks to blankly watching them many times prepare medicine or anything for him or other patients, he switched the sedative with plain water that made him feel like he was underwater for a second.

He faked his being sleepy to fool them, and resisted himself from smiling when Ichigo kissed him on the side of his face as his goodbye.

The door downstairs creak and shut close, and the noise was a signal that the teen already left and his eyes immediately opened but he didn't move for a while longer until the front door opened and closed thrice, meaning he's the only one left in the house.

He didn't bother to take a shower for he took a long one last night, and he slipped on his thin torso a white shirt, with black pants on his legs and some slippers before sneaking outside.

Each word that Ichigo told Isshin, he remembered and knew exactly where he is going.

Though he never ventured out for so long and it's supposed to make him feel suffocated, the thought that the younger man would be away for three days was unbearable and allowed him to overlook that fact.

With a little bus fare money he stole from their piggy bank, he walked far enough until it was already time to take the bus. Many other people are also riding in the same vehicle, but it's not the small space that's bothering him and through the window he could see all the houses he haven't seen in a long time thanks to his seclusion from the outside world.

Nobody wanted to sit beside him for the strange and cold look in his eyes gave them the intention to sit or stand somewhere else.

A few left when they reached a stop, and a man stepped in at the same time but just as the door automatically closed he pulled out a gun from his pocket and many panicked but he didn't gasp.

His eyes widened though as he heard a yell, "Hey you! Keep on driving, and don't drive too fast. I'll blow your brains out if you do."

The driver shuddered but he stepped on the pedal and steered ahead, going through a road where there were only trees and mountains from afar. Byakuya became even more alert, as he's getting farther from where he's supposed to go.

Anger started to accumulate in him like a volcano.

"Don't anyone of you make a suspicious move. I'll make your blood and guts splatter, should you not do what I say."

He cocked the gun and pointed it at every passenger, and almost everybody cringed in fear.

"Now, give me all the valuables you're carrying. Remember, give me everything or you'll be sorry." he threatened with venom in his words that gave people so much fear to throw out all their credit cards, bills, coins, even jewelries or family treasures.

But Byakuya didn't chip in anything to the criminal, and this did not go unnoticed.

"You there, didn't you hear what I said?" Others groaned or even almost squeaked with worry when the gun was pressed against his head, but he himself didn't show fear, and his eyes became thin lines of fearlessness.

He refused to give the small money that he had. The man really wanted to empty their pockets to the last penny, that it was irritating.

"I don't have any." he bluntly answered but the man yelled louder while pressing the gun even harder that it threatened to make a large hole in his skill should the trigger be pulled. His other hand strangled him but he didn't groan, though he knew that it's very hard to breathe all of a sudden.

"Do you want to die?" The man was violent and brash. True, but he's careless for he thinks threats would make people completely cower and not do anything.

Byakuya grabbed the man's wrist and the fingers felt like they were going to bore into his skin and crush the bones.

"No, but I won't die here." he hissed with a choked tone before twisting the arm that his shoulder was about to snap. He received a scream of pain, and his other hand grabbed the gun as the man was too busy in agonizing from his arm.

He never took a life before, but after pointing the barrel at the lower back and pulling the trigger, he just took one life. Others thought that he was a killer as well and got more frightened than ever, but they thought wrong when he emptied the gun and threw the bullets at the side.

Though he was physically weaker than before, he was still able to hold a grip on a man like that when he was about to be killed. Unfortunately, the man was still alive and unsheathed a knife that he threw with the last of his strength at Byakuya's abdomen.

"Die..." the man finally disappeared after that, and Byakuya strangely didn't feel the pain that he's supposed to feel, but he could feel the blood oozing down his skin.

He touched his stomach and his hand was completely dyed with dark red. Then he pulled the knife out of him with the other which caused him to finally feel the searing pain that felt like being burned from the inside. Byakuya slightly winced but he advanced forward, his mind clouded with one thought.

"I have... to go... to... him..." Others tried to stop him, worried from how much he's losing blood.

Ichigo, he wanted to see him again and to feel those hands soothe his pain. He may be physically hurting due to a hold-up that he wasn't expecting, but he gave out before he could mention the boy's name out of yearning.

* * *

"_Byakuya!_" A voice echoed in the blackness of his mind. His eyes opened a little, but they felt so heavy that he wanted to keep it closed and his head moved to the side, finding a more comfortable position to rest. The surface his body's resting on was soft and the last time he remembered, he was on a bus, right?

A bus...

That's right! He was on the bus and got held up but he injured the culprit though he got stabbed in retaliation. Why would he resting on a bed or at least something soft? There could only be one explanation.

He's in the hospital. But was that voice only an illusion because he wanted to hear the teen's voice again?

But he heard it again, along with a new voice on the background. He couldn't see who since his eyes were too droopy, so he only relied on his ears. Their voices echoed probably thanks to his headache.

"Wake up!" Ichigo almost yelled, his hands shaking the wounded body. "Kurosaki-san, don't force him. He lost so much blood that he needs to rest."

"... Is... he... dying?" he asked with fear, his eyes looking at the doctor who is also his father's friend. Those eyes had nothing but hope that he would say no and Byakuya is alright. "No. He's in a bad state, but at least the blade didn't hit anything vital. Though it will make it hard for him to move for a while. He would recover a little faster... if there's blood transplant but AB blood packs are hard to get. I'm sure you know that."

There was a pause, then a sigh of relief, then a curse. "Damn it. What the fuck happened?"

"As I heard, he went on a bus."

"A bus? But he never goes outside since Rukia and the others died. And... he's supposed to be sedated. How?" The last words were no more than a whisper, out of fear that the man might hear. "I'm not sure either. Your father told me that he did sedate the man, and how he would still move is something that we won't know for now."

"So what happened there?" He touched the pale forehead and for once, he didn't feel feverish. "A passenger had a gun and scared the hell out of most of them, enough to make them throw their money to shut him up. I heard from one of the passengers that he wouldn't give in and actually wounded the convict with his own gun but got himself stabbed as revenge."

"Why the hell would he board on a bus?" he repeated. Urahara shrugged, and left to give the teen some time alone.

Ichigo sat on the chair even though it would make his legs sleepy, but he needed to be by the man's side. He's suffering and in silent pain, and he's sure that he's the first thing the raven head wanted to see when wakes up.

The class trip was over, and only then when he reached home that he heard of the news as he was expecting to give Byakuya a souvenir he bought. A necklace with a leather strap and a pendant of a tiny but real diamond.

"I thought that this would make you feel better. The funny part is, I kiss it every night, to add a little luck to it even if it sounds silly." he chuckled with a bittersweet smile. "I hope that when you wear it, no harm would come your way." He encircled it around the neck and clasped the two separate ends together.

He wanted to stay with him until his eyes opened, but how long would that take?

And he just said a few days ago that his life is not for Byakuya but now he wanted to devote all the time he needed until the man would open his eyes and speak and move like an alive human.

"I'm a hypocrite." he mocked himself, but everybody is a hypocrite whether they're aware of it or not.

Hours went by that he slept for a while, his head on the unconscious man's lap. But he refused to leave, until he knew he had no choice. There's still school, and he had to study for his finals. But just as he rose up from the chair and almost left the side of the bed to depart from the room, his wrist was held.

"Don't leave..." Byakuya strained, trying to get up despite the pain it would give to him. He didn't need to say it again, but he did anyway. He really wanted to have the boy by his side.

When Ichigo turned around, he immediately leaned up and cupped the boy's cheeks, pulling the head slightly closer until their lips glued together in a soft touch. The lips felt so hot, they felt like fire on his lips.

Ichigo gasped in the kiss. Byakuya never kissed him like this, never on the lips. Every kiss they share, it's just a friendly kiss of comfort and it would be either on the cheek or the forehead, but not the lips.

The fever came back... and the raven head fainted soon after whispering something that Ichigo couldn't hear. He adjusted the man back on the bed, and looked at him with pain in his eyes before leaving.

He blushed beet red, and touched the lips that he unexpectedly shared his first kiss with Byakuya, who was the one that initiated the move.

* * *

**A/N: Never did I think about making Byakuya an obsessive and stalker-ish seme before, but I was inspired to make him like that when I read Zetsuai/Bronze again, although the plot of this fic is entirely different. Reviews are welcome, and if anyone of you have any negative opinions, at least say them as nicely as you can. I don't want any flames which is equals to trouble.  
**


	2. I'll Stay with You

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not my work. The one and only Tite Kubo is the one who made Bleach.  
**

**Warning: OOC Byakuya, but there is a reason why.**

**By the way, to EmoBunny4Eva (anonymous reader) and darkhuntressxir, I'm glad you liked the story and the type of person Byakuya is in here. I wanted a change in is character for once and reasons to justify his changed behavior.  
**

* * *

_I'm so tired of being here_  
_ Suppressed by all my childish fears_  
_ And if you have to leave_  
_ I wish that you would just leave_  
_ 'Cause your presence still lingers here_  
_ And it won't leave me alone_

_ These wounds won't seem to heal_  
_ This pain is just too real_  
_ There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_ And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_ But you still have_  
_ All of me_

_~My Immortal by Evanescence~_

**_I love you..._**

Time was very slow but it was finally over. **  
**

Three weeks later, Byakuya was released once the wound closed up. He may had been out the whole time but the orange head always visited him every time after school, which once again cost him time with his friends.

Ichigo started to grow distant with them, but he tried to compensate by hanging out with them during the whole time in school but not when they're dismissed. Nonetheless if it would keep on happening he would have no friends in the end and he would be left all alone.

But now Byakuya's safety was important than his social life. And it had to be!

He spent one-third of his life trying to keep the man safe and sound that he wanted it to stay that way. He deeply cared for him. But he still couldn't figure out why the man kissed him on the lips, _on the lips_, and not on the usual places.

To not make things any worse, he didn't mention anything about it. From that high fever that Byakuya had on that day, the man would surely not remember. It was also a way to avoid anything bad.

Isshin drove the car, going home from the hospital and both Byakuya and Ichigo were on the back seat.

The raven head rested on the teen's shoulder, his face looking so calm after so many days of feeling nothing but pain and discomfort.

But he wasn't asleep, and he just wanted to be so close to the only person he cares for that's alive and well.

"Ichigo... your birthday is three days from now, right?" The latter was surprised by his question, and he thought that he was asleep judging from how peaceful he looked. Not to mention, his sleeping face looked strangely adorable. "Yeah. Why?"

"I want... I want to go to the park with you." he answered innocently. "I'll have fun with you there, and it would feel like back then." His hand moved to the boy's chest to feel the steady rhythm of the vital organ beating strongly.

"We used to walk there when we were younger, right? Can we do it again?"

He hugged the older man closer, and his breathing turned even calmer and sweeter. "Sure." The answer caused him to finally fall asleep. The boy's touch was so comforting that he wanted to stay like that forever.

"_I love you..._"

* * *

Ichigo almost jumped out his bed when he saw Byakuya sitting on a chair just at the side of his bed. He thought that he was going to die from the shock!

"I surprised you?" he smiled, but it was only faint. Ichigo relaxed whilst holding his chest that was beating faster than it should from the shock. "Kind of." His eyes checked the calendar, and knew now why the raven head would be up so early.

"You would never forget my birthday, will you?" Byakuya softly said no and Ichigo kissed him on the tip of his nose as a good morning.

His birthday would be one of the rare times when Byakuya would be like himself back then. Not exactly like who he used to be, but at least close to it. It made his birthday even more special, since the day was deeply treasured by not only his family but by his deceased best friend's brother who was also his very good friend.

Byakuya leaned in and wanted to kiss him right on those soft lips again, but he kissed him on the cheek instead. "Let's get some breakfast first." The raven head agreed and Ichigo left just to get him some breakfast.

When he went back up with a tray full of fresh bread and chocolate rice porridge that was consumed in a while. "You have more appetite today."

He knew that it's just temporary for him to act calm and a little happy. He would turn back to normal again by the next day, which was why he wanted to make the most of it.

"I don't want to disappoint you in any way. It's your birthday." Why did he always have to be this honest? He knew that he cared for him, but Ichigo was so touched just by those words. "Thanks..." he trailed off, and felt like he was going to cry even though his lips are not quivering nor are his eyes watering.

It's just so rare to see the man act like this anymore, that he loved it a lot.

"No problem. As long it's for you, I don't mind at all." This time, he didn't resist and claimed those lips again, as tender and light like the last time. They pulled back, and Byakuya tenderly held the tanned face in his peach-white hands.

"Happy birthday, you're now an adult." Ichigo laughed a little, and caught a faint smell of vanilla on the dark locks. He couldn't say anything for he was shocked again.

He was pretty sure that right now his face is red from how hot his cheeks and head felt, and his heart was as fast as the wings of a bee or that of a hummingbird at its fastest. But all what he did was connect their hands and he placed his head against the broad chest.

Byakuya didn't hesitate to embrace him, deeply breathing in the scent of morning air on the boy's head.

"_I love you..._" The words were stuck and it wouldn't try and get out his mouth once again. If Ichigo actually heard what he said at that time in the hospital, then he would have said or done something about it.

His heart almost ripped in two at the realization that he didn't hear, but he could have pushed away the last part of him if he did know what he whispered in a quiet voice full of so much of desire and yearning in the deepest core of his heart.

The question 'Why did you do that?' threatened to slip past his lips but he didn't want to spoil the moment.

It was too precious and too dear to ruin.

* * *

After the presents and delicious food given to him by Yuzu, Karin, and Isshin, they went for the park. Byakuya may have been very quiet but he wanted to go nonetheless.

Both walked hand in hand but lucky enough no one cared for there was nobody looking at them. It was chilly, and the sky was a little cloudy but they still went to the park.

The place looked the same, with all different kinds of trees and a bench beside each if anyone wanted to sit or go away from the sun or both. There were also the cotton-candy cart, the ice-cream cart, the toy cart if kids wanted to get something new to play with, and many other things that stayed there like several years ago.

A vision of a younger Rukia, Ichigo, and himself walking in the park while the two kids would bicker, tease but most of all have fun with each other appeared in his head and he thought that nothing bad would have happened if time froze at the moment.

But then, nothing bad would have to go their way anymore if time did stop right now, with him feeling happy enough to smile and his fingers intertwined with Ichigo's.

"You feel okay?" Ichigo asked concernedly.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" This time, he was like a child experiencing fun for the first time but he meant it, he really wanted to go here with the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.

He quickly got confused when the latter let go of his hand but realized that he just wanted to lead him to the ice cream cart. Like he said, he would buy the younger man ice cream like before. "One double dutch and one strawberry please."

It brought back memories. Aside form those two flavors, he also ordered chocolate for Rukia and they would eat the icy dessert while sitting under the shade of a sakura tree. He almost fell into a trance from thinking so deeply about what it was like before when it was all perfect.

He hated fate for making things cruel for them. It was unfair! They didn't do anything to deserve a fiery death like that, and yet... they were gone anyway.

"Old times are long gone. That's why it's called old." Ichigo said, taking a playful lick of his double dutch.

"I know." the other replied, giving the exact price to the vendor before they walked, the breeze making their shirts flap like a curtain.

Byakuya wasn't alone. Ichigo thought the same. They tried to make it as happy as they can, but memories never die no matter how much they would try to forget it. It made them smile, and it made them feel hurt as well.

Ichigo almost choked in emotional pain. He didn't want to ruin everything now, and he's not letting it happen.

"You like strawberry? I remembered that you used to eat plain vanilla before." The older man was not fond of sweets but it didn't necessarily mean that he hated it.

He took light licks of his treat, and nodded. The pink sweet started to melt but he quickly licked it off to not make a mess on his hand.

But before he would suggest that they view the trees, the sky started to weep so much that they instinctively ran to a large tree, it's mass of leaves keeping them from getting wetter.

"Whoa, that was unexpected." But he immediately became worried when Byakuya shivered, not in the normal way. His eyes darkened with fear and shock.

The rain reminded him of the day after Rukia and the others died. Under an umbrella that was as dark as his funeral clothes, he spent all day standing in front of his family's grave though his legs started to tire and his feet were swelling.

Nobody wanted to remember such thing, but natural things can bring out the worst of memories.

Unfortunately, in his state it's not doing good at all. Not at all. He wanted to run away to a place where there was no rain, but it was impossible under such a powerful downpour that could kill him.

His whole body from head to toe quivered, and curled himself in the ball as the cold that was not actually there tried to freeze his skin all over. He didn't want to remember like back then, when the wound of losing the people dear to him was at its freshest and rawest state.

He hated it! If it wasn't him, anyone would feel the same but maybe he would be the one that would take it the worst.

He vowed to protect his family, but he did nothing as those merciless flames of hell engulfed their bodies and immediately sent them to the next life.

Only the warmth of Ichigo's caring embrace brought him back, but it took a while before he regained his senses.

"I know, you're afraid of the rain. So am I. My mom died at a rainy day, remember?" his voice was shaking, because he was feeling the same fear that Byakuya had but he had more control.

Byakuya's eyes were foggy and shaking but Ichigo didn't want it to get worse. No, he didn't want to see that expression.

His face acted as a mirror to what he looked like back then.

Back then... when his mother perished in a car crash, since the rain made it hard for her to see while she was driving her son home from school. Things went horribly wrong and he barely survived but she died, trying to protect him. It wasn't his fault but he blamed himself up to now.

He received no word, but the fact that his breathing was still so fast and so frost cold, that it didn't mean anything good. The raven head didn't shed any tears but his heart was at his throat.

He was like a child, but that was what the tragedy almost completely reduced him to. But whatever happened in the past, it was what made neither of them enjoy the lonely and depressing weather.

"I'll be by your side forever." This time, he cried first when the sound of the rain grew larger, it's shouts almost drowning their words. Somehow, those small words that were only meant to keep him from losing his sanity meant something more to Byakuya.

Hands clutched at the orange-haired teen's back, and he was glad that the raven head was starting to recover little by little though it was so rainy they couldn't see anything but each other and the tree they're hiding under.

"Really... you won't leave me?" Though heard, his voice was so distant and so melancholy, but he deeply wished it would be a yes. It was what he wanted. The both of them together until they died was the only wish he had his whole life after he was the last in his family.

Sobs stifled, and his arms' hold grew tighter but remained loving and careful. Ichigo wiped the few tears himself and stared in the gray eyes which started to gian the light of calmness and sanity again

"I never did, and never will." He broke the hug and pressed their foreheads together, just as the man gave out and collapsed.

For all his time, he never comforted the man like this but it didn't matter. Byakuya was alright and that's what mattered. Damn his pride! And who cared if he cried?

As long as it meant saving the one who he loved...

No one looked. No one would even dare to go outside at such a weather. He decided to take the chance and lightly pecked the cold lips, and soon he also fell asleep and whilst holding his hand, both rested at each other's side under the tree and under the rain.

The rain was unannounced, and nobody knew when would it stop, even if they turned on the TV and checked the weather channel. It's almost like it was never going to stop.

* * *

**A/N: Ohohoho... that's not the end of it. Ichigo might have been a little unlikely of himself here, but this is a hurt-comfort fic. **


	3. Where are You?

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not my work. The one and only Tite Kubo is the one who made Bleach.  
**

**Warning: OOC Byakuya, but there is a reason why.**

**Thanks once again for the reviews, and I won't let you down.**

* * *

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,_  
_ You won't try for me, not now._  
_ Though I'd die to know you love me,_  
_ I'm all alone._  
_ Isn't someone missing me?_

_ Please, please forgive me,_  
_ But I won't be home again._  
_ I know what you do to yourself,_  
_ I breathe deep and cry out,_  
_ "Isn't something missing?_  
_ Isn't someone missing me?"_

_~Missing by Evanescence~_

It was so warm around him, even though he could feel the ice cold rain drip through his shirt. It's like a solid blanket, not the one that's in the form of a wide and thin sheet of fabric. It felt more like, a slim but firm body cocooning around him, with so much emotions flowing out like water.

"Ngh..." he tried to move around the bed in his sleep but the hold of him was so tight. Tight but not uncomfortable; and rather warm and loving. He eased himself in the embrace, hoping that the feeling would help him sleep once again. But a voice that he knew too well whispered him awake.

"You're having a nightmare?" The concerned words were followed by a soft kiss on the side of the face. Ichigo slightly squirmed but not in a bad way, and his eyes fluttered open while his lashes brushed away the small drops of rain that remained close to his eyes along with a little dust.

"Eh, how did we... go back here? I remember that we hid under a tree when it started to rain."

There was silence for a while, as the older man tried to organize the words in his head.

"Soon after, the rain was gone and I was already awake by then. You were still sleeping, and I didn't want to disturb you so I carried you back here."

Carried? That must have meant that he either piggy-backed him or lifted him bridal style on the way back home. But it was still embarrassing if it was any of the two! He immediately blushed and ducked his head, resting it on Byakuya's chest to hide his expression.

He may have acted like a girl right now but it was still so embarrassing.

Ichigo wouldn't care if it was someone else and if the situation was different; but it was Byakuya! He was an exception, just because it was _Byakuya_.

The raven head didn't know what made his own loved one act like that, but him having to act like that was rare and cute that he just patted at the soft coral hair while inhaling the scent. It smelled vaguely of the rain, but the scent of cherry blossoms was stronger.

The student just continued to feel shy as he was embraced again by the one who he realized he loved. At first, he only thought of the man like family and like a friend. Then it came to love.

But... what kind of love, exactly? Aside from his father, his sisters, and now Byakuya, he never experienced love outside his family. What love it is? It obviously had so many forms.

* * *

It was already October. How time flies! It went to the usual routine again. He would avoid any after-school-hang-out with his classmates to not worry Byakuya, and he would devote the rest of his time with the man. But it wasn't a waste.

The raven head may still be isolated from the outside world and quiet and grief-stricken, but somehow, he found more comfort in spending his time with him. Even if it was just giving him dinner, having brief conversations before going to bed, or just staying by each other in the peaceful guest room that the raven head had stayed in for a few years; he seemed to feel like it was something to really look forward to.

But, the sad part was that he would still have to keep it a secret from his peers. Who knows how they would react? There are five possibilities: they would laugh, pity, understand, get mad, or feel nothing about it. And each possibility has an equal chance of happening.

For the first few weeks after his birthday, he wondered everyday about what exactly kind of love was what he admitted to himself in his head towards Byakuya. Nothing was clear enough, and neither of them kissed each other on the lips anymore.

And yet it went away. It was all like back then, the only change was he felt more at ease at the everyday cycle.

* * *

"I love you!"

A confession he never expected to get, nor was he interested in getting. The shaky but honest words came from Orihime Inoue, a classmate of hers who he would rarely talk to except when it's about class matters. She was also the eye candy of many men in his year, and he who had little interaction with her just got confessed to.

"Umm..." There were no words to describe how shocked and taken aback he was at that moment. "It's okay if you have nothing to say at the moment, Kurosaki-kun. I understand that you're so surprised. But please, can you go out with me?"

He really couldn't say anything at all and only reply in unintelligible words but in the end, to spare the kind girl's feelings, he nodded and she went all giddy, jumping once or twice in the air but her face turned so pink.

It meant that she was really serious, and though he knew from being classmates with her that she's a horrible cook and sort of a busty klutz, she is a nice girl overall. It wouldn't hurt to try something new, and dating was one of the few things she never got to do.

Soon once they started going out, they would do the usual things, eating together at lunch, helping each other out with homework, and the other simple things two students going out would do on school grounds. It wasn't bad at all, it was actually enjoyable enough to make him smile once in a while. Through the poor cooking skills and the clumsiness, she was one of those few girls that would be the ideal nice girlfriend.

Yet... and yet... he kept everything from Byakuya. He told his sisters and his father about the news and they were fine with it but when they told him about how would Byakuya deal with it, the imagination of his reaction might be good or ugly and something in him was saying that it would be more ugly than good. The thought made him not say anything to the raven head.

But surely, secrets have a way of getting out and being known by the person who the keeper of that secret doesn't want to reveal.

* * *

Byakuya waited in his sleep but in the end he would feel more and more desperate by the minute while Ichigo was still away. The other three Kurosakis kept him company and even brought him dinner since it was already seven in the evening.

But he was restless and he already wanted Ichigo to come back. Whatever reason the boy had for being so late, he was sure that he had a valid reason. It felt so cold in the room, now that it was evening and that the window was open but the moon was full today and he didn't want to look at it through the glass.

No matter how much patience he tried to put up for Ichigo's sake, in the end he went as far as to sob. "Ichigo, where are you..." His teeth were gnashing out of anxiety, and his head was aching again. It wasn't burning, but it still hurt so much.

_Knock! Knock!_

It sounded so urgent, and so fast and so loud that it matched the ringing sound in his head that made it ache. He didn't want to hear the knocks anymore and covered his head, his legs kicking around the bed and his eyes scrunching shut. There was no stop to the knocking, until he heard the door open. He loosened his hands and looked downstairs, wobbling outside and when Ichigo's sisters opened the door they were immediately horrified that their faces made it more than obvious. Even Isshin made the same face.

Byakuya rushed downstairs but held on to the banister. His legs were too weak right now from not getting up too much today, and he immediately fell on his knees by what he saw next.

A young girl with the same hair color of Ichigo's was there, kneeling as well out of difficulty from carrying someone. Her face was bruised, covered with sweat, and stained with blood, but it wasn't her blood.

It was the blood of the one she carried, who was Ichigo. There was a stab wound on the stomach, and Byakuya pushed, rather harshly, the two sisters apart while caressing the beautiful face caked with fresh blood.

There was no time to explain what happened now, as Inoue said what had to be said. "Please, he told me that he lives here. Please, save him!"

Byakuya kissed the soft flesh, even if the iron taste of blood overrode the sweet taste of strawberries. No one seemed to notice, and that was better for him and for Ichigo. But from the voice of so much care in that frantic cry, he glared at the innocent schoolgirl who seemed to be unaware of his heated look as they started to lift him up and go up the stairs.

* * *

**A/N: That was one hell of a twist for me. Alright, for now I'll go update the other stories but don't worry this is not on hiatus on anything. It's just the others haven't been updated in a while but this story will live. Remember, review and each one of you gets a big hug from me, or even a cake! :D**


	4. Avenge You, Ask You

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not my work. The one and only Tite Kubo is the one who made Bleach.  
**

**Warning: OOC Byakuya, but there is a reason why.**

**Now, this is rated M. I'm sure you know why. But be prepared for something. XD  
**

* * *

_I tried to kill my pain_  
_But only brought more_  
_So much more_  
_I lay dying_  
_And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal_  
_I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming_  
_Am I too lost to be saved?_  
_Am I too lost?_

_~Tourniquet by Evanescence~_

Yuzu cleaned the trash bin in Ichigo's room for the second time, but it was nothing but bloodstained bandages. First, it was Byakuya to receive that kind of blow from a criminal and now it's Ichigo.

For a joke to calm their turmoil-filled hearts down, they asked: Who would be next after them?

Funny, right? But nothing would make them feel at ease while Ichigo fought the pain with all he can. The width of the wound was small but deep and punctured several tissues and even cut through the stomach.

Nonetheless, it was a painful wound that had a 50% chance of killing him.

Byakuya received a new roll of bandages from Yuzu whose hands were shaking nonstop but they knew none must panic if Ichigo would have to get through the injury.

The raven head wrapped the white cloth around the bleeding abdomen and tightened it to compress the freely flowing blood. It finally stopped bleeding so much, and now with painkillers and the rest prepared, they can only wait.

* * *

One hour. Two hours. Three hours.

Still no sign of him waking up, so their only comfort is that he's alive and pulling through.

Because of the fact that the young girl had been crying silently nonstop out of worry for Ichigo, Byakuya felt the jealousy and contempt boil up in the pit of his own scarred stomach.

Ichigo's family is an exception of having such care for the teen himself. Anyone else aside from him that would act like the orange head's so important to them would gain nothing but his scorn and hatred.

Only he would be the non-related person that would love Ichigo like that, no one else, not even an innocent schoolgirl.

"Nnn..." Though at the other side of the wall they heard the groan pretty well. Excited and hoping, all rushed in and the teen was already awake, flinching from the pain on his abdomen and smiling at them with a strained face.

"Onii-chan!" Yuzu shouted, hugging her older brother out of both grief and relief. Karin followed despite her pride. "You idiot..." she whispered, her face hidden. Isshin patted him on the head and he laughed a little while bringing his sisters closer.

"Kurosaki-kun..." she faltered and hugged him, her chest towering over his two sisters' heads but he didn't mind. He tilted his head to the side and she kissed his cheek.

Instantly, Byakuya frowned deeply, looking away. "_What the...!_" He stiffened from the scene and his fists curled tighter and tighter until they provoked small drops of blood to flow out him. The sight was despicable and he wanted to vomit but persevered with the accumulating sickness to not make another ruckus.

Disgusting! Completely disgusting! He hated it and glared at her, but immediately softened up his expression when Ichigo's entrancing gaze was focused on him. He felt a little guilt in his heart when those sienna eyes turned to shock and realization.

He gently pushed Inoue away who was once again dense about the fact that the man behind her as glaring daggers at her like he wants to kill her and disembowel her. "_I can't let this happen. He must think that she's only a dear friend of mine._"

"So, Byakuya... this is a friend of mine. Inoue, this is Byakuya." he introduced. Inoue raised out her hand but of course the older man wouldn't comply and shake hands with her.

"Sorry about that. He's just very... kept."

True, but the main reason was because he already _hated_ her.

* * *

Everyone else left the room after they talked to him long enough, but Byakuya stayed. Ichigo may have been fine now, butthe fact that the teen's life was threatened made him want to feel the same pain if it would enlighten the burden on the latter's heart.

He stood in the bathroom, facing his pale reflection on the mirror. A razor was right on the sink, and he wanted to pick it up and stab himself on the scar on his abdomen to awaken the pain, but the imagination of Ichigo came to his head.

The crystal on his neck was his gift for luck that he wouldn't be harmed anymore. If he would wound himself, he would see that face full of grief and guilt which he didn't want to see. It was too painful to bear that face if it becomes real.

"I can't do it..." he whispered, falling to his knees and his hands on the cold tiles. Hearing nothing but the eerie sound that he would only hear when around the hard tiles, he balled his fists and rose back up with his eyes now dark and shadowed behind his night hair.

Of course! Why hadn't he thought of it earlier? There was only one explanation for why he got the wound. Someone did it to him, fully aware of what he was doing to Ichigo. No one would love him like he would, and no one else would be allowed to harm him like that.

If he had to admit it, he'd rather be the one to cut Ichigo and give him fresh wounds, or even kill him with his own fragile hands.

He would have to kill them to ease his pain.

* * *

Ichigo was busy eating his meal just as Byakuya walked in, looking weak out of the lack of sleep. He set the tray aside and widened his arms apart, to welcome the latter into the hug which he quickly did.

It were moments like this when he would be calm and feel happiness, so he loved those moments. But that face earlier, it triggered fear in him. What if he knew already, or at least suspected something's going on? He set it aside for now, hoping that this tenderness would cause the man to forget what just happened.

"Who did this to you?" he asked, lightly rubbing the covered injury. Ichigo felt his skin tingling from the touch, and was afraid to answer. He felt even more fear from what might happen if he tells him.

"Please..." he sounded desperate, like his own life depended on it. His own life, not Ichigo's. "Tell me, who did it?"

He couldn't resist. Petting the dark hair with his hands, his face turning sour from how much the tone in that voice made him want to break down from guilt of making him worry, again and again.

"A schoolmate." he whispered, and silver eyes became the size of saucers.

"It wasn't expected. When I helped Inoue with cleaning the classroom after everyone else left, someone barged in and she confessed all of a sudden to me that she liked me. That got me completely, you know? But I didn't feel anything good about it, especially when she yelled at Inoue to stay away from me."

Whether he liked it or not, he found that crazy girl that most likely stabbed Ichigo to be right about one thing: Inoue should back off from him. That sight when she kissed his cheek made him vomit so many times just a while ago in the bathroom.

"Inoue and I didn't know what to do, but I could tell that the girl was so jealous and tried to stab her but I intervened and got stabbed myself. Before we could call the cops, she already ran away with the blade and the only thing we can think of now was to get me home."

"What does she look like?" Again, he became hesitant to give his answer. Asking for who did it was one thing, but asking for that person's appearance is already an entirely different matter that scared him.

"Uh... I can't say much because she was wearing a jacket and her hood on." he lied, to end the conversation.

But Byakuya would not buy such a lie. Now there was only another way to know who she is, even if it meant talking to one person who he hated so much right now. No one can even begin to imagine how much he hated her.

* * *

"Oh, Byakuya-san." Inoue waved but he did nothing to say hi to her and just made his presence known so he would approach her. Walking to a corner, Inoue followed her with an innocent expression.

"I have something to ask you." There was no need for unnecessary chatter. He's not even interested in one, especially with her. "What is it?"

"Ichigo told me." Through only those words, she already understood what he meant and turned dreaded. It was clear as crystal that it wasn't a good memory for anyone. "But, I want to know who it is. He told me that she studied in this school, but didn't tell me her name."

"That's because we don't know her name." He frowned at the reply. He hated it when she's right! "But, do you know what she looks like?" At least, he hoped that he would tell her the truth. Like Ichigo, she hesitated. "Tell me." he demanded, his tone cold.

"Umm... she has... dark purple hair and green eyes. But that's all I know."

"That would have to do." Without having to say thank you, he walked away but stopped for a moment. His eyes hardened and looked back at her.

"By the way, don't get involved with Ichigo anymore. You make me sick." he spat, but Inoue could only hear her first sentence and was confused.

"_Maybe he's just so concerned that he blames me for what happened. But it is true._"

* * *

He had to be very patient, but since patience wasn't much of a virtue to him, it took him a lifetime until the clock was finally pointing at 4:20. With a knife ready and concealed, and without anybody at home, he left and made sure that the doors were locked and the keys were in his pocket.

He landed on a bus and payed some money before telling the driver his destination. This time, the whole vehicle was empty and he was sure that there would be no jerks who would climb up, take out a gun and yell for everyone to give away their valuables.

It took only six minutes until it stopped in front of Karakura High and he mounted down but stayed placid and his eyes glared at the school like a predator waiting for its prey to come out for him to take. Going in, he silently went to the side and watched once in a while, waiting for the bell to buzz.

_RIIIINNG!_

His eyes carefully watched out for every student that walked out the school, chatting with each other. He spotted the girl, who was easily different from the rest by her hair color and he closely followed her. No one minded him, not even the girl and she just listened to the songs playing on her earphones happily but he knew that he saw a worried expression on her face a while ago.

Reaching a far and desolate area, he didn't care though it was odd that she would live in that kind of place, and he immediately covered the girl's mouth and dragged her to a corner that would be too dark for anyone to venture into.

"Hmmmpphhh... mmm..." the girl squirmed and he shushed her, his eyes shining as the sky turned even darker with the sun setting. "You hurt Ichigo, right?" she widened her eyes at the question and made even harsher attempts to get off the grip. She took out a rusty knife and tried to stab him but he quickly countered the attack and it pierced her arm.

She bit his palm in pain but he ignored the stinging and started to rip her uniform open, buttons flying to the floor. "This will be your payback. First _this_, and then your own blood on my hands." his expression was so calm even though he was going to do something so inhuman.

Her green eyes were full of horror when he tore her skirt off and all that was on her was her underwear. She felt the cold on her skin when he slowly took the bra off her and her whole world turned dark... forever.

* * *

He was done already, and he didn't even feel satisfied when he raped her all over. It was his first time, but it was worth it when he cut her open and all her guts and blood spilled out.

He wiped every drop off him and realized that his jacket was so stained that it would never be washed off so he threw it mercilessly at the girl and it covered her gross corpse's remains.

And now, it was only about time until they would know of her death. He may not know her name, but he's as glad as a mad clown that they died.

But still, the fact that Ichigo had a girlfriend and kept it from her... he still had one more unfinished business.

* * *

Ichigo opened the door and immediately became relieved when Byakuya was there, standing in front of him. And just when he thought that the man became insane and he felt worthless for not coming home earlier to comfort the man.

None made a move to embrace the other, but they silently walked back to a room where the wind was howling to the point that their hair was dancing in the air. The orange head closed the window and immediately became stiff at the question that was asked to him.

"Why did you date someone?"

No answer, no comment, no word of reply.

* * *

**A/N: It's a hell of a twist, but it's mainly how things will go between Byakuya and Ichigo. It's not going to be all like it seemed to be on the first and second chapter, and the summary of the story is misleading. Again, thanks for reviews and please don't just read and not review. That was why the review button was given a facelift. :D**


	5. Can't Go Back

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not my work. The one and only Tite Kubo is the one who made Bleach.**

**Warning: OOC Byakuya, but there is a reason why.**

**Hehehe, I kind of shocked you there last chapter. Well get ready for another one.**

* * *

_You don't remember me but I remember you_  
_I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you_  
_But who can decide what they dream?_  
_And dream I do..._

_I believe in you_  
_I'll give up everything just to find you_  
_I have to be with you to live to breathe_  
_You're taking over me_

_~Taking Over Me by Evanescence~_

No answer, no comment, no word of reply.

So in the end, Byakuya realized that he got himself a girlfriend. And in the end, he didn't take it well. "What did you do? How do you know?"

"I can merely tell by how she acted towards you." He talked in such a tone that it was creepy. He would always sound warm, calm, and fragile. But now, his voice had nothing but ice and poison.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ichigo could tell from the window's reflection of both of their faces, that those gunmetal eyes were glaring, something he wouldn't see in the man anymore.

"Why do you have to know?" he murmured, and heard footsteps coming closer until he felt cold air puff on his skin as he got his reply, "Because I want to. Ichigo, you still don't get it do you?" For once, he wasn't so weak and he didn't feel so weak. But it's not doing anything good at the moment, that Ichigo wanted to slip away and forget everything.

"Get what? It doesn't matter to you whether I have a girlfriend or not. I'm still going to go back here on time to take care of you for the rest of the evening. Does my life matter that much to you even if there are things about me that are completely none of your concern?"

He felt hurt in his heart. Did the teen really forget how much affection he showed to know that Ichigo was the only one that kept him sane? That he was the only one he loved who's still alive?

"_Do you really take my feelings for granted? Are you really that blind?_" In his soul, the small part of light was slowly corrupted by black.

"It does. Because..." He had grown tired of being gentle. He never faked it. He really had been nice to the teen all the time. But now, it seemed he had to get rid of that side and show him one that would let him know once and for all...

"If you won't know, then I'll let you know myself." he hissed, his hand snaking to the front neck and his fingers wrapping around it dangerously. Ichigo choked and gagged, instantly desperate for air. "Let go of me-"

"Whenever you're away... I feel like I'm no longer myself, Ichigo. But you think that what I feel is less than that, is it?" he snapped, his mind too clouded with the want to ravage the one whose life he's threatening to take right now.

"What-are you-doing?" he tried gasping for air but the grip on his neck turned tighter. He clawed at the hand to try and get Byakuya to loosen the hold but to no avail.

Byakuya felt his fingers going numb again but he won't let go of Ichigo. He doesn't even intend to. Throwing Ichigo to the bed, he closed the window and the curtains with the other hand and started to rip the orange head's shirt off like he would to that girl.

Ichigo was too busy trying to breathe air in him to notice that his upper body was already bare to those eyes but after he relaxed only then he knew.

"Stop-" he struggled but Byakuya pinned him down again by pushing the back of his head to the cushion of the bed while he unbuttoned his own shirt off. "Tell me... what do you think of me?" he asked bitterly, looking at Ichigo with the same bitter eyes.

"If you tell me I'll stop..." Ichigo hitched his breath as his lips were smothered in a painful and bruising kiss that would make his lips swell later on. It felt different from the other kisses. It didn't make him feel anything good. He felt repulsed by it, but more... he felt even more scared than he would be his whole life.

Now, his closest friend was trying to assault him and he knew why. He sounded darkly jealous and hatred, but the hate seemed to be more directed towards Inoue than it was to him, but the jealousy was aimed at both.

He expected a slap at least, or a tearful breakdown, but not this. Why this? Why? The grief in the gray eyes weren't missed but he didn't get why he's being molested at the moment even though Byakuya's being tearful.

Then again, Byakuya always lost some sense ever since his family died. Ichigo guessed that the last sense that the man had is slowly going away and turning him into a monster that already took one life out of revenge.

The orange head always thought that the older man had lost his strength and his energy since that great tragedy, but now he either could be wrong or he was just so fired up to even hold him down despite how weak his condition might be.

A cold but soft hand started to caress the bandaged abdomen and he winced for the gentle yet sinister touch awakened the pain that was equal to a hundred bites of a fire ant.

He screamed but a hand covered his mouth and Byakuya shushed gently.

"Don't cry." Then the soft voice turned hard and cold. "Are you going to tell me?"

He just squirmed and wiggled to get off, but his strength is leaving him and making him feel like he lost control over his body and he could only look and make muffled noises.

Those eyes that gave a look that would break his heart was imprinted at every part of his mind until waves of desire flooded all of his body. No sound was made. He didn't resist anymore, but he remembered every detail of what happened.

Byakuya's hands roaming around his body, touching places that weren't meant to be touched by someone else, a ruthless tongue tasting his peach skin, and something hard and hot piercing into him, taking away all his purity and shattering them into a thousand pieces that he couldn't bring back and glue back together anymore.

It felt painful and it tore him apart, his soul turning wretched and impure.

His fingers twitched, trying to punch Byakuya off him since several minutes ago but he felt too paralyzed to be able to do that. His ears contracted at the memory of the sounds of the bed squeaking harshly with something pressing into him, drawing out blood and straining his insides beyond simple agony. His eyes rolled at the back of his head when he would be penetrated and ravished like a predator's delightful meal, all the muscles in him twitched and gave him spasms.

But right now all what mattered was that he was raped by the one who he had been taking care of for a long time in his moments of greatest sorrow so that the man wouldn't sink in and lose sanity. Byakuya laid on top of him, his weight making it harder for the teen to move him away.

Throughout that rigorous but brutal act, those beautiful lustrous and metallic eyes were burning into his even deeper than before with the deepest emotions of grief and regret but most of all... love.

Ichigo never answered Byakuya's question in what he thought of him. Before, he could answer it clearly and now it was all fucking complicated that he no longer had a good answer to come up with, but once he would gain the strength to speak again he could tell the raven head right on his face that he can't forgive him for what he just did.

**_Violated. _**

**_Damaged._**

**_ Defiled._**

**_ Impaired._**

**_ Polluted._**

Now, he thought of himself as nothing but reduced to trash. It was all too shocking for him. His body was poisoned from that molestation so much that it was excruciating and shameful.

But his dad or his sisters didn't come back to see and discover the truth. It would destroy them, so it was better that they weren't home yet.

* * *

The next day was like a normal day but with a substantial change.

It was the first time that Ichigo left the house without even saying goodbye to Byakuya, whether he was asleep or awake. He coldly said nothing and just ate breakfast, bathed under the hot-cold shower, grab his bag and head for school at an earlier time.

Despite the pain in his hips, he ignored it.

No one should know.

But now he didn't feel worthy to date Inoue anymore. And they had such a great time together though they haven't even gone that far. But it was better. No worse memories then.

The path to school was kind of far but there were no cars to hinder him and cut off his way, and he had almost an hour before class would start. All the better. He could take that time to end things with Inoue on good terms, and maybe she would agree without being too upset from what happened at that time in the classroom.

What the man did seem too traumatizing to make it easy to forget. He wouldn't enjoy his time with him anymore. There was only one way now to rid of him with his family agreeing. But first...

* * *

"I understand. After what happened, I may be a burden to you from now on."

That was quick but not expected. He expected there to be tears but it was better this way so he didn't question her about her reaction.

"I don't find you a burden. But I'll miss hanging out with you." Though he never genuinely loved her, he liked her enough to enjoy spending time with her and she smiled, kissing him near the lips one last time before walking away just when the bell rang. As he walked in the classroom which was as chatty as well, his talkative and sometimes hyperactive classmate Keigo rushed in the classroom, his expression alarmed.

"Hey guys! We've got big news. Harumi got killed." Everyone suddenly stopped their chatter like Ichigo stopped walking to his seat. "Who's Harumi?" he asked Keigo, wishing that the answer's not... that the answer's not...

"She's someone from class 8 with purple hair and green eyes. Her boyfriend's devastated, even her sister who's also her classmate. All the people in her class are as depressed as hell!"

"When did it happen?"

_**No... no... Please not...**_

"Last night. Some guy found her corpse all messed up that you wouldn't recognize her face or her body, and reported to the cops. It's all over the news right now, didn't you know that?"

Bingo! Ichigo put the pieces and formed the puzzle. Byakuya was gone when he returned home yesterday, and when he came back Byakuya looked strange. That would be the look of mercilessness! The man just took a life, and possibly interrogated Inoue about it since she was the only other one who knew about the incident. Then, out of his sight, that man followed Harumi and killed her in a dark area.

Little did he know, he also raped the poor thing that got him injured.

And possibly enough, since he knew that they were dating, he raped him out of jealously after he murdered Harumi.

"_What the fuck did he had to get jealous for?_"

That's right. Why's he jealous?

Then boom. Like being shot, he realized... that Byakuya... all this time, was in love with him.

Why else would he had to act so caring yet possessive and dark and twisted towards him? He was the reason why the man was still stable because his feelings for the orange head weren't just familial love.

It was romantic love.


	6. Pain in Me

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not my work. The one and only Tite Kubo is the one who made Bleach.**

**Warning: OOC Byakuya, but there is a reason why.**

**I give you all my full thanks for reviewing and liking the story, and thanks to emobunny4eva and darkhuntressxir for reviewing this story since the beginning. LoveJoyPeaceHope and jena-mustang001, thanks a lot for your reviews. It took a while to make this, but I'm finally done with this chapter as there are more to come. :D**

* * *

_I have dreamt of a place for you and I_  
_No one know who we are there_  
_All I want is to give my life only to you_  
_I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore_  
_Let's run away, I'll take you there_

_Forget this life_  
_Come with me_  
_Don't look back you're safe now_  
_Unlock your heart_  
_Drop your guard_  
_No one's left to stop you_

_~Anywhere by Evanescence~_

Storming back home by the time his class ended, Ichigo was relieved that once again his family wasn't back to witness the scene that he would be making soon. He's enraged just as much as he was shocked and hurt. His hands bled from his now broken nails, and when he slammed the door open he saw only a patch of black hair as the rest of the body were covered under the thick blanket.

He could see Byakuya shaking like crazy, and it wasn't from his impatience of wanting to see Ichigo again. He was once again feverish, and the heat almost boiled the teen's skin that it was something bad.

Right before he could go for he small closet that contained the medicine he needed to treat the man he was furious with, something in him exploded like a volcano and blood surged throughout his whole system, pounding his head and his ears, making his sight reddish and he collapsed.

The last thing he heard was the desperate calling of his name, and it tugged at his heart so painfully that it made him feel too crazy to just sit and do nothing, but he was already in too much pain as well to do anything. His consciousness slipped away, just when he saw gunmetal orbs open lazily and immediately widen at the sight of him blinking out like a light that lost all its power.

"_Don't you dare look at me like that..._" After what he did, he shouldn't have shown sympathy.

Anyone who had a speck of sympathy even if they were half-insane, wouldn't do such a thing like murder a classmate or rape someone just because they're dating someone else. Even in Byakuya's case, it wasn't an exception and it infuriated Ichigo so much.

* * *

"Internal bleeding. That's got to be it. There's no other explanation." Urahara calmly answered, albeit there was bitterness in his voice. He knew the young orange head since he was born. Hell, he was even the boy's godfather.

"I know that too. But how could it happen?"

Ichigo laid down on the flat hospital bed, tubes attached to his body and an oxygen mask keeping him from dying.

"I don't know." Urahara's eyes lit up for a moment when he noticed discolorations on the teen's neck, and examined closer.

"Aren't these bruises? Say, from strangle marks?" he asked his friend who looked at the same angle the blonde did. "It is. But Ichigo didn't show anything about being strangled or at least being roughed up by people."

"And I know that Kurosaki-san is one hell of a fighter, even if it's against brutes with great bulk." Yes, he was a troublemaker when he was younger and still immature. "Possibly Ichigo was assaulted and didn't tell you so that you wouldn't be worried. And yet, the damage done to him, even though not much visible, is so great that it caused him to bleed from the inside."

Isshin's hands balled into tight fists. He lost Masaki, and there was a chance he might lose his son. "He mustn't die. Kisuke, you have to do everything you can to save me. I'm just a simple clinic doctor, so I can't do much."

"I know, Isshin. I don't want the boy to die either. By the way, how is Kuchiki-san doing? Kurosaki-san has been in here for three days; I'm sure he's not so patient." Urahara was the only one outside the family to know about Byakuya and his great dependance on Ichigo.

"He has a high fever. It's common for him, but this one is his worst yet. But I sedate him when I get the chance before he would thrash the room. Seeing Byakuya act like that makes me feel sorry for him."

His expression turned into a mix of both sour and bitter faces, and he hoped that Yuzu and Karin would take care of him well while he's in the hospital, ensuring his son's safety.

"By the way, I heard that a student in his school was raped then murdered, then dissected wildly to the point that her organs were out." Both were doctors and should have been used to the sight of guts and blood, but imagining it made their faces green with sick disgust.

"Yeah. But it's been a few days and no one else was killed. If Ichigo was a victim and made it out, then I had to thank him. Whoever it was, is a merciless bastard." And the 'merciless bastard' was actually Byakuya...

* * *

"I hope he doesn't wake up." Karin glared at Yuzu at what she just said. "I don't mean it that way. But you see how he acts when he's up and Onii-chan's not here."

"We've seen it a hundred times, and let's be nice to him. He all the family that he had, compared to us losing only Mom. I'm not saying that her death didn't mean a big deal to us, but compare the damage done." When Karin said it so calmly and yet so fiercely, full of sorrow for her own family and for Byakuya, Yuzu can't ignore what she meant.

"Okay. But Dad says we have to sedate him every two hours. How long has it been since the last shot?" Karin glanced at the clock. "One hour and thirty minutes. So half an hour left till we shoot him again."

"Isn't this fatal?"

The raven head smoothly answered while grabbing her bread from the toaster, "We asked Dad that before he left so he made sure that nothing he told us to do would make things worse for Byakuya. He's safe and let's make sure it stays like that until Ichi-nii comes home. And I'm sure that Byakuya will be more than just happy to see him."

The knowing tone in her voice made Yuzu suspicious, and she paused eating her porridge. "Karin-chan, do you know something that I don't?" Quickly, Karin dropped the spoon she used to stir her strawberry powdered milk and sighed, putting a hand against her forehead.

"I'm not even sure. I mean, since I've seen how Byakuya acts and how calm he acts when Ichi-nii's around, that... I don't think he just cares for him as family. Before, I thought he was like that. Acting all clingy to Ichigo because he sees him as his brother and as family, which would make him the last to live. Now that we're older, I know it's more than that. Even if I'm not supporting this..."

Yuzu read between the lines. "You think Byakuya's in love with Onii-chan?" Karin nodded, making one last stir on her milk before gulping it all down. "I want to talk to Ichi-nii about it, but he's unaware and believes that it's just the need to have family by the man's side out of fear of losing him. I'm not even sure if he's thinking what I'm thinking."

She admitted it all like a glass carrying a water full of secrets, and it finally spilled out, flowing freely from her mouth but she was aware of what she was saying to her twin sister.

"I'm sorry, it's just I've bottled these thoughts for a few months and it's about something big, even if it's about love issues. I needed to tell someone, and you're the one I trust the most, Yuzu."

The younger orange-haired teen held her sister's hand, and Karin let her after she let all that stress out in such a mature way.

"I know. I mean, I'm surprised when I realized what you're thinking, but... we can't tell anyone. This has to be between us. I mean, if Byakuya is reallyin love with Onii-chan it's not like it's going to do any harm." How innocent she was, but Karin had seen the dark side of love.

"Maybe, maybe not. Now there are only nineteen minutes left. Let's go prepare the hot water and et cetera."

* * *

Ten minutes until it was time for the next shot of sedative, Byakuya moved in his sleep like he was having a nightmare he couldn't wake out of. But that is exactly what he's dreaming of right now.

Erratic breaths escape his mouth that was recently moistened by water an hour ago, but it was too low to be heard by the sisters who were trying to get everything else done.

Being left alone with taking care of him was difficult enough, since he still had a fever.

They were five years old, Ichigo and Rukia. When they had a lot of time to play outside, both would go for the park under the watch of Byakuya who didn't mind going with them, and he enjoyed his sister and her friend eating ice cream and cotton candy, getting balloons shaped in any animal or object, or picking some flowers and making them a tiara.

He loved dwelling in that dream, since he could feel himself free and happy, with the good emotions that he once had, and still being able to smile all the time he had. Rukia's bright expressions always made him feel that he was doing a good job as her brother.

Byakuya never got to see the face that Rukia made at her last moments in those blazing flames that consumed his family's life, but he always imagined it to be fear and disappointment in him for not being able to save her and the others.

None of them were prepared for what happened that night, but he knew that he had to save them. He had to. He had to!

Before he was rescued, he remembered how the flames licked at his skin, causing deep burns that were now reddish scars on his arms and chest, and the black, thick and heavy smoke suffocating him and clogging his lungs, making him wheeze for clear oxygen to breath in.

He tried to save them, but chunks of burning wood would fall just in front of him when he would walk forward and try to come in. He couldn't see anything, thanks to the dark and lethal fog clouding his vision and by the faint sounds of fire trucks parking in their house, he thought that it would be alright for them.

Though the sedative didn't completely wear off yet, he was already wide awake from the horror of what he would have seen again after and his heart ached, his fever rose up and his muscles twitched that it gave him pain, out of all the tension surging in his veins nonstop and his heart stopping for a few seconds out of shock then he would live again, knowing that he's alive and in deep agony.

"I-Ichigo..." he coughed, like he was still under that smoke and eyed the whole room, his vision still as hazy as the darkness of the night.

Nobody answered, and he wanted to hear the voice that could make him tame in a matter of a nanosecond, make his crazy heart calm and beat normally, and keep his mind off the stress for even just a while.

His throat was so dry, and he was desperate for water that he fell off the bed when his legs were too weak to stand upright, and at the loud thud the girls entered the room and tried to help him but all what he could make out was Ichigo's name. Repeated and repeated like a mantra.

It confirmed Karin's suspicions, and made her sister believe she's right.

* * *

**_How dare you fall in love with me. How dare you! After what you've done... I could never feel normal again. Tell me, did you do it with her as well before killing that girl? Yes she stabbed me. But we tried leaving it alone! You! It's none of your business and yet you had to do this. Better be lucky that they didn't know you killed her, or that you raped me. Because if they did, you would never see any of our faces again!  
_**

**_I'll just tell them that I can't stand you anymore and have them bring you somewhere else to live in. Better right? At least they wouldn't know the horrible stuff you've done. To think that I thought a few times about feeling what you felt for me...  
_**

Unconscious, yes. In pain, yes. But he was still rehearsing what to say to Byakuya once he's awake. He didn't know what happened, but he made the good guess he's in the hospital.

He would spit all his spite at the man, and ask his dad to send him away to either the nursing home, or the mental institution. He didn't know what to choose. But he can't stand to be in the same room with the man anymore.

But sending him away, it was easier said than done. Imagining the pain Byakuya would make if Ichigo would say all that to him, it would break his heart. Ichigo didn't have his heart broken or his mind tampered with.

**_I can't let it get in the way! I love him... but now I want to hate him more than I love him. I have to, because I'll be betraying my own pride in the end if I forgive him._ **

And didn't he think before that his pride was useless to saving the man he loved?

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I have a day left until school's back. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to review. I love you all for reviewing! :D**


	7. Mistakes and Apologies

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not my work. The one and only Tite Kubo is the one who made Bleach.**

**Warning: OOC Byakuya, but there is a reason why.**

**This took a while to make because school is BACK. Pity, huh? Especially that many college exams are piling up and making me so nervous. **

* * *

_I will wander until the end of time_  
_Torn away from you_

_I pulled away to face the pain_  
_I close my eyes and drift away_  
_Over the fear_  
_That I will never find a way_  
_to heal my soul_  
_And I will wander until the end of time_  
_Torn away from you_

_My heart is broken_  
_Sweet sleep, my dark angel_  
_Deliver us from sorrow's hold_  
_Over my heart_

_~My Heart is Broken by Evanescence~  
_

He heard heavy footsteps that were so loud it hurt his ears but it wasn't enough to wake him up. His eyelids were like they were glued together. His body felt like they were working out for a hundred years and pain tried to pound in his mind even more.  
Ichigo lost all the focus in what to say to Byakuya when he heard voices of alarm from a gruff voice that could only be his dad.

He didn't know what it was about, but something compelled him to know what it was yet right now he could only try and let his mind succumb to slumber if it would make him feel even just a little better.

But he knew they were talking before. What were they talking about anyway?

* * *

Yuzu mumbled, "Sorry..." Byakuya was sedated again but this time he didn't look peaceful. He looked so pained, full of strain in every part of his body and his lips mouthing Ichigo's name nonstop.

His closed eyes were shining with clear drops that haven't fallen down his cheeks yet, and even though he didn't look insane or mad he was clearly overwhelmed by sorrow and the trauma that most likely woke him up despite the drugs in his system.

"It's not your fault. I know Byakuya, and there are times when he really won't give in completely to the drugs."

Karin looked away, remembering how the young half-deranged man would call for Ichigo so much that one more mention of the name from his lips would break her heart.

How deeply was he in love with her brother exactly?

"There has to be something we can do. I don't want to see him suffering anymore. Even if he was acting wildly, I was sure he was acting like he was in the fire. He had such difficulty breathing." Yuzu explained.

Isshin couldn't keep count to how many breakdowns Byakuya had when it's concerned with his family's death. "At least he didn't do any worse." Didn't do any worse indeed.

"Is Ichi-nii alright?"

"He has internal bleeding and the damage is almost extreme but so far he's fighting death with all he got or he would be gone like now." he said it like he had no compassion, but he was worried as hell. "Don't say that. Onii-chan _will_ live." Yuzu insisted, covering Byakuya's shivering body with a blanket.

"Not just for us, but also for Byakuya-san here. I can't imagine exactly how he'll react if ever the worst happens." Karin frowned at her sister's words and can only imagine the raven head losing all sanity left in him.

That can explain that he loved Ichigo to the point that he was his everything, and his life.

Her heart felt painful, like it was stabbed by a thousand needles. "Urahara-san's doing his best, right?"

"Of course he is. He's like a second dad to Ichigo." Isshin shrugged, putting two pills in the pale man's mouth and washing it down with a glass of warm water. "He won't let any chance slip by."

As they all left the room in a few minutes to give Byakuya space, the tears fell down and he whispered Ichigo's name for the thousandth time, wanting to see him so badly.

Eyes opened weakly, but his whole sight was nothing but a big blur.

* * *

One, two, three weeks and nothing so far. Ichigo was still unconscious and showed no sign of being awake at all, and Byakuya still had to be restrained but the pain of being apart from the orange head was getting stronger.

Faking his sleep, he observed the sounds that would occur in the house and when there was total silence, it meant that no one but him was there. He woke up, glancing at the real sedative that was in the drawer.

He used the same trick again, for the same reason. To get to Ichigo.

Only the word 'hospital' got in his ears during all the small talks they would have near him or beside his bed but it was more than enough. Being in the hospital countless times during his first months after the fire, he knew exactly where it would be and walked there himself.

He was even barefoot, the rough cement making light scratches on the deathly but flawless skin on his feet. It hurt but Ichigo was more important.

_** Ichigo, Ichigo, Ichigo...** _

He remained persistent, his right arm so numb that he could use only his left to swing himself forward should he be stiff for a moment. No one stopped him, no one looked as they were too caught up with themselves.

From afar, he saw a large building of white with part of the sign that told him he was getting closer to where he opted to go to.

The sight of that bright, lively hair, sun-tanned skin and cinnamon eyes made him so eager to get there, to see Ichigo again after a long, long time of not doing so. He was lucky he didn't do anything destructive yet.

But the image of the same teen when he took him mercilessly, just because he dated someone else made bile pile up in his throat. He knew what he had done, and only at first didn't he seem to care about it but now he did and he stopped, falling to his hands and knees at the side of the street and puking everything out.

People looked at him, concerned but he ignored their looks and wiped his mouth, as determined as he is sorrowful. But his body gave out and his consciousness slipped away.

* * *

Instant pain stabbed through his heart and Ichigo rose up from the bed in an instant, screaming all the oxygen from his lungs and making his throat dry like the desert itself.

His heartbeat escalated and his screams grew hoarse but stayed loud that it made the room shake in his vision. The pain was like no other, and he didn't know what it was but he just wanted to scream and several people bolted in.

He shook violently, thrashing but lacking enough strength to push the doctors away from him. And when he felt something puncture his neck, he started to stop shouting and yelling his throat out but he made whimpers, feeling hot tears pour out but not when a he felt the huge tube pierce into his wrist.

Their yes met his and the pain on their faces, it was just like the pain in his face right now.

Ichigo felt nothing but the sharpness of blades and the thin puncture of drugs or whatever they used at him, and then Byakuya's voice, sounding like it was sputtering with blood that he forced himself to wake up and see but his body felt heavier than ever.

Before he couldn't even think, the desolate and heartbreaking sound of the rain, the music it gives by making such powerful sounds of several drops of water hitting the ground, banged his ears.

"_Mom..._"

* * *

With a small slap to the cheek, his eyes pried open and didn't feel so lightheaded anymore nor did he feel being in pain. Byakuya's head rested on his blanket-covered lap, his eyes full of bangs and the cheekbones on his face visible. The man looked like he hadn't eaten or slept for days.

Ichigo knew that he shouldn't care for Byakuya anymore, but his body acted on its own and petted the dark locks softly with a cold hand. There was a tray of untouched food beside him, and his family wasn't there, not even a nurse. Just Byakuya and Byakuya only.

"Oh god, how long was I out?" he groaned, the slight noise from his voice immediately sending Byakuya to be awake. He wanted to say hi, but he got hugged instead that it immediately ceased his breathing because of how tight it was, to the point it could crush his lungs but he knew that the weak-looking raven head was so worried and had been waiting.

Yes, he raped him. But Ichigo can't deny that the man still does care for him and isn't in his right mind _most of the time_. For now, he would let his anger slip for the moment, as he continued tousling the soft hair that remained smooth and beautiful even if it didn't seem to be cared for in a while now.

Byakuya buried his head in Ichigo's shoulder, trying to keep himself from sobbing after drying his eyes out whenever he would be left alone. His fingers and arms were numb like a statue that trying come to life but he wanted to re-experience the feeling of having Ichigo in his arms.

"I thought I was going to lose you... I don't know what I'll do..." he whispered carelessly, not knowing that those small words would have such an impact on Ichigo. Brown eyes widened so much, to how much he could hear the hurt and need in the voice.

He couldn't help it anymore. The words brought tears to his eyes. He refused to let them fall that it blurred his sight and he didn't care. He was still mad, but he knew he can't hate the man no matter what. He was just too pitiful to hate, and was rather more fit to love.

"...Love..." In their embrace, so focused on the emotions in them and not what's going on outside them, the word wasn't heard by either. "I... forgive you..."

Byakuya's tears trailed down his pale and thin cheeks, his hands holding Ichigo's so they would keep on cupping his face that started to have life again and the hearing of those words.

"What do you have to forgive me for?" he asked like a child not understanding a situation that only grown-ups would know.

Ichigo knew that his mental instability would allow him to not remember things, so he just repeated the words again and they broke the sweet embrace when Ichigo's family entered, his sisters' eyes brimming with clear tears at the sight of him awake and well.

"**_I love you... why can't you get it already?_**" the thought nagged Byakuya all day. It started to eat at him, just like the fatigue of his body started to catch up to how much he can move each day.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry that it took a while. The reason why is on my bio/profile. College exams really just_ love_ feeding on your pain and stress, don't they?** **XD**


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